My Divorce Journey So Far
It has been a while since I have made a blog post. I had taken a small break because I had become so overwhelmed with a lot of things in my life. I have been going through a divorce for almost 6 months now. It feels like it has stretched out for so long and I am so close to the finish line, but it still feels so very far away.
I never realized how hard things would be once I left my ex and decided to get a divorce. I originally thought he would realize what he had lost and change his ways. Wishful thinking for those involved with a narcissist. Nothing ever changed in the 4 years we were together and they didn’t change when I left. He only looked for other ways to manipulate me into coming back without ever really apologizing or changing any of his selfish behaviors.
At this point I have gone as no contact as fully possible. He does not have my phone number or address but he does have my email address and he continually emails me. It’s one of the email addresses that I hardly ever use but I still don’t like to open his emails.
One day he is emailing me telling me that he misses me and the children and in the next he being a complete jerk. It’s extremely difficult to deal with someone who doesn’t see their actions as wrong. They may apologize for it, but it’s an empty apology. So is there ever a chance of having any type of mature conversation with a narcissist?
My answer is no, just from my experience. I have unsuccessfully tried for years to get my ex to show that he cared about our relationship and making it work. Time after time he showed me that he only cared about himself. Being in a relationship with him was lonely, he would never ever be able to meet my needs because he was only concerned about his wants and needs.
So then how do you end your “marriage” relationship with a narcissist, but still have to co-parent with them?
At this time, I can’t truly answer because we haven’t had to co-parent yet. I have sole custody of our daughter on our temporary orders, but I do not yet know what will happen on our final hearing which is scheduled this month.
I will be blogging about the results. Hopefully a good outcome will come out of this.
This is my journey so far through my Divorce:
May 2015 – Left my husband and moved home with my parents.
There are several factors of why I left my ex but here are the most important ones – He was a serial liar (he could easily lie straight to my face and not care), he cheated a lot!, he was cold and had no empathy, he verbally abused me, he monetarily abused me, he abused alcohol and drugs and he made me feel unsafe in my own home.
June 2015 – Found out that right after I left my husband, he had joined several hooking-up websites and said he only did because he was so distraught over me leaving.
Sept thru December of 2015 – I took these months to decide how I felt about my husband and our marriage. I thought long and hard over what I wanted. Whether I wanted to stay with him or get divorced. Many nights I cried because I didn’t want a failed marriage but I also didn’t want a broken marriage either. (I was told by my ex that I wasn’t trying hard enough and that I left him when he needed me the most – Ha….seriously how can one person be so selfish!) But I ultimately decided it was best for me to get a divorce. Not a decision I made lightly.
January 2016 – My husband came to visit from California. He came for our daughter’s birthday. He brought me a book that he made of mementos during our relationship – but I was not moved by it. He also shed many a tear while he was here – again I wasn’t moved. It’s not that I am heartless but I know that he wasn’t being genuine. Especially when he hated me to cry when we were together. And showing emotion to his tears would only feed the narcissist in him. I told him that I wanted a divorce and he gave me back his wedding band.
February 2016 – He pulled all of the money out of our joint bank account. He told me that I wasn’t allowed to treat him that way and have any access to the money. Meaning he would no longer support our family because I wouldn’t take him back.
March 2016 – Filed for divorce. The road had been hard once I finally started this process. My ex wouldn’t leave me alone so I made the decision to go no contact and it was nice.
May to June 2016 – It took a few months to serve my ex. We were not living in the same state and he did everything he could to evade the process server.
June 2016 – Went to court for our temporary court hearing. Ex did not show up so it was a default judgement and I got what I was asking for. The ex is not following the orders (not surprising huh?)
September 2016 – Waiting patiently for the final divorce hearing.
It’s been a long road but I believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel coming soon. I am so ready to be divorced. I will be throwing a divorce party! Can’t wait to be free. Free from the Narcissist!
Can anyone else relate? Comment below