First Wives Club: You Don’t Own Me

Divorcing a Narcissist, First wives club, you don't own me
“You don’t own me I’m not just one of your many toys”

So things have drastically changed since I last wrote a blog post. I have been dealing with a lot and haven’t been able to post but I don’t want to leave my readers hanging.

I started my divorce journey 9 months ago and yet I am still not divorced (close though). For those who didn’t read from the beginning of the series I left my narcissistic ex back in May of 2015. It was a very hard decision for me to make and I hear a lot of the same reasons from my readers.

4 Reasons I Almost Didn't Leave My Horrible Marriage

  1. I was very torn on leaving him. Probably because I had stayed with him for so long and I didn’t want my marriage to end. More so because I was ashamed for my family and friends to find out.
  2. I was financially dependent upon my husband. Once we were married he moved us states away from my friends and family and I felt stuck and so alone. We had just had a baby and decided that me being a stay a home mom was the smarter decision.
  3. I loved my home and I didn’t want to leave the friends I had made.
  4. I wanted desperately to be wrong and wake up from the nightmare of a marriage that I had and everything would magically change and be like it was when we first met.

I could probably list a few more reasons but I ultimately made the hard decision of leaving. I thought leaving was hard but it’s not. Its staying away and going through this lengthy divorce process. Starting from scratch because what we had built had been torn away.

No matter what I ultimately only want what’s best for my children. They are my driving force. They deserve to be in a happy loving home and not in a home full of turmoil and betrayal. My marriage did the one thing I never wanted it to…it affected my children. My daughter was too small to understand but my son who was in the third grade he wasn’t too young. I saw the hurt that he had when my husband and I fought. I saw the hurt he felt when I cried repeatedly. What mother wants that for her children?

My son was getting in trouble at school and that was so unlike him. My husband was treating him like the red headed step child and any attempts I made to shield him were thrown in my face. I was accused of babying him. (My son is not my husband’s biological child) but he is my child and I will always protect him. So I left him, and I am not sad that I did. I am just sad that I waited so long. But at this point I have forgiven myself. If I continue to live in the what ifs I am not helping myself or my kids.

Is my life perfect now? No, but I am much happier now than I ever was during my “marriage”. ( What we had was never a marriage. Only and illusion)

5 Things I did for Myself After Leaving my Ex the Narcissist

  1. I made friends with other women who had gone through, or were going through divorces of their own. We call ourselves the First Wives Club. (any of my readers may join the club too)
  2. I started doing things I gave up during my marriage. I went out with friends, I joined the praise team at my church. Started sewing and doing crafts. Watched movies and TV shows I enjoyed.
  3. I opened up about my marriage. I didn’t hide it anymore. I was 100% transparent and I have had so many wonderful people support me through my walk.
  4. I wrote this blog. I have to say it has brought me so much joy to know that I can help other women who are going through a similar situation.
  5. The biggest thing I did was let myself feel. If I was sad I cried, if I was mad I yelled, and if I was happy I laughed. I let myself feel emotions that I had held on to for years. I never wanted to break down in front of family and friends but I stopped holding it in. Releasing it all has been the best thing I ever did.

Which First Wives Club Character Are You?

If I can give any of you some great advice it’s to not hold on to the regret. Don’t hold on to what you could have done. Move forward knowing that you made the right decision and stick to it. Don’t let others opinion’s influence you. (Opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one)

If no one in your life will stick by you then I will. You have a friend in me!

 

I am currently accepting guest’s post for women who would like to be in my First Wives Club. You have the chance to be heard and share you story.

  • You do not have to be married/divorced from a narcissist to join but I do ask that you have been in a relationship with a narcissist and wanting to openly share your story.

What is a narcissist?

first wives club, divorcing a narcissist

 

Please email me and I will feature your story on my blog. You can reach me on my contact page!

Can anyone else relate? Comment below

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You don’t own me
Don’t try to change me in any way
You don’t own me
Don’t drag me down ,
‘Cause I’ll never stay

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2 Comments

  • Reply
    Lyn
    January 16, 2017 at 9:09 pm

    I’m trying to divorce a narcissist. Hopefully your blogs can be helpful to me. I will be looking for all of them.

    Thank you!

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